Dating While Married

Can you date in this “lifestyle?” Pretend you are a real couple out in the open?

I have done dates with a few of my lovers.

Not sitting across from each other like in my marriage. Always on my phone because my hubby is, too. Plus, zero to “talk” about. Only “discussions” that get more heated with each spoken word.

Conversations that start with:

“You always…”
“I thought we were having a discussion…”
“You never…”
“Can you not interrupt me?”
“You are impossible.”

With my lover, sitting next to each other is the real treat.

“Babe, I love touching your leg with you next to me.”
“I never get tired of looking at you.”
“This is so unlike my marriage, you know.”

Since the first day we met, we have had dates. We liked each other’s minds as much as the sex. I insisted on them. “It can’t just be hotel meets,” I said. “I’ve done that, and it gets old, believe me.”

“I can’t believe that, but we can do whatever you want,” my potential lover responded.
“Omg, you are great! Although I know you only want to get under my skirt! LOL.”

The “dates” showed us what we were missing from our marriages. The easy rapport, camaraderie, gentle ribbing, and laughter. None of which I had with my real-life partner.

Dates were part of the foreplay.

“Dates are the best. One of my favorite APs (affair partners for the newbies in adultery land) and I would always meet for drinks and a bite before heading to the hotel. The across-the-table foreplay was electric with conversation and overt flirting that usually escalated to inappropriate touching. We’d have to get to the car fast or the hotel depending on how aroused we had gotten,” wrote one Redditor.

That’s it exactly!

I couldn’t wait to feed him a bite and watch his face. And know I could touch him and feel his desire for me rise with the meal ending.

“I can’t wait to get my hands on you!” I’d whisper while trailing my hand up his leg. “Let’s hurry up!”

“Waiter!” he’d cry, flagging down the server. “We’re all set.”

This is a special thrill only lovers understand.

“I bet everyone knows we’re having an affair! No one who’s married is this into each other!” I said.
“I bet they are damn jealous! They would die to have a hot lover to have lunch with.”
“True,” I laughed.

We picked places carefully. Trying to avoid familiar spots. Looking for options that had less potential for fallout. We both wore our rings.

“See anyone you know?” he’d ask as we scanned the space.
“Nope,” I’d respond with a sigh of relief.

But we’ve played out the scenario of being noticed.

“What will we say if we are spotted together?” I asked, running through OPSEC (how we cover up our shady shit for the uninitiated).
“We’re old college friends.”
“That are fucking! LOL,” I joked.
“Well, duh! That’s what old college friends fantasize about.”
“Damn straight,” I said, laughing.

It’s the sexiest I’ve felt in a long time. The smiles, lingering looks, playing footsie under the table. A hand on a thigh. It felt so intoxicating — more than any glass of wine or mixed drink.

Outings together with my lover made me long for “going legit.” No more hiding. Let’s make this “real,” except I’d wonder if I’d be back to no conversation or fun within a few years like with my husband.

“And who cares what anyone thinks?” my lover asked.
That was the clincher. I don’t know how much I cared anymore.

Wonderful dates made me want more; that was the problem.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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